All lip, no hole. 3 / 10. The 19th hole. Boo who? Your email address will not be published. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. happen again! We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. Your email address will not be published. I stepped on a rake.". Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. All the fans are gone! All of them. The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. 4. Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. I'm pretty good with my short putts. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. P.G. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. Look at the size of his putter. Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. Dean Martin, He loved the game. Golf?! Read more: Hilarious poop jokes that kids will love! Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. Drops him off at the golf course! Do you share these funny golf jokes? I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? Why are computers such naturally good golfers? It can be difficult. In case he gets a hole in one. How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. What is a golfers favorite bird? He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Fore! Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Knock, knock If you drink, dont drive. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. See you in the Email! Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? Boo. You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. Lee Trevino, 59. How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. "If you break 100, watch your golf. Your email address will not be published. nay I my child, and eke, oh! The flowing robes, the grace, bald striking. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. You swing left and the ball goes right. All through the night they made wild love together. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. Drop some in the comments! A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. Tahiti. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. Knock, knock Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? Whats the best quality in a golf partner? He's the one getting his balls cleaned. Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. 2. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. We have a threesome, care to join us? Just tap it in. Such is the game. Golf is like doing your taxes. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. Its to move on. And there are windmills. Eight. PG Wodehouse. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Spread your legs a little more. Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. The most important shot in golf is the next one. I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? I stepped on a rake. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. You need to adjust your grip. Because they might get a slice. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. On a golf course, nature is neutered. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. Short Golf Sayings And Quotes For Good Luck Shots, Funny Golf Quotes For Ladies And Gentlemen, TOP 30 Best Sayings On Theory | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Sayings On Sweet Love | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Notable Quotes About Subtle | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Quotes About Volunteerism | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Top Quotes About Snuggle | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 27+ Revolutionary Sayings On Hysterical | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Favorite Sayings About Hypocrites | Free Hd Background Images Download, 92+ Meaningful Sayings About Hypocrisy | Free Hd Wallpaper Images Download, 21+ Creative Sayings About Hypnosis | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, 12+ Beautiful Sayings On Hype | Free Hd Background Pictures Download. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. Golf is the easiest game in the world. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. I never prayed that I would make a putt. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! Why dont grasshoppers play golf? You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. Always keep learning. Where is the best place to go on vacation? My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? Jack Benny. As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty Full Text: Keep Calm and Go For A Run Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Beware Of Owner ~ The Dog Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. Correct one fault at a time. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. Because all the other four letter words were taken. Whats the difference between golf and sex? The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Noah. Fantastic 4-some. A hole in one of a kind model. Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Your second mental problem is concentration. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. Besides that, I love to explore. Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. 5. I'm Tiger Woods. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. Here, have a carrot! He couldnt stop puttzing around! It bends a little to the left. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. For true success, it matters what our goals are. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. Golf is a lot like life. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? If you break 80, watch your business. "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. And three, have a passion for what youre doing. Juli Inkster, 28. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. He said. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". 8. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesnt make much sense. Their expectation, however, is very different. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. but I can show you what is! Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Wanna be my caddy? I was actually enjoying it. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. Thats incredible. You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. Why don't golfers ever eat pie? It took one afternoon on the golf course. Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. Please add a link to this site. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. Dirt your body. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. At the golf corpse! Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". He attacks it. 3. course sometime. How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. Lift your head and spread your legs. How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. The right place is right here with me, in my bed. Find the ball. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. I never learned anything from a match that I won. Bobby Jones, 62. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! About 160 yards was his reply. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. I . Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. 2. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. ~ George Bernard Shaw. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. 2. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. Check it out now! Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots.